Ladies who lunch.

When I first told my family I was moving away, far away from everyone, my Uncle mentioned several times that I should find a 'mommy group'.  He said it would be good for Jeanne to have other kids to play with, and for me to keep my sanity.  Still, I had only one feeling about this.

*Blech*

Oh goodness, that is just not for me.  I am a very anti-social person, and generally can't stand other people.  My husband is too, that's why we're so good together.  We don't seek out friends, we generally don't have 'friends' outside of our work environment, so we spend lots of time at home, doing whatever we want (now whatever the kids need).  That, and I've been told more often than not in my life that I'm a mean person and usually a "B" to others.  I don't dispute this.  I'm judgmental and always right, and that usually sets other people off.

Well, after arriving here, I quickly saw that North Carolina is far different than Massachusetts.
1) Everyone is so nice.  Everyone says 'hello' as you pass.
2) KIDS.  There are children everywhere.
3)  Jeanne really did like daycare, and like playing with the other kids at daycare.
4) Jeanne was and is a very social and happy kid and wants to play with YOU.

FINE.

I decided to make an effort to smile at others (a thing not done in Massachusetts.  I would speak to other adults at playgrounds, in hope to find some playmates for Jeanne.

I met some fast.  Nice women, they are all nice.  Turns out I met a woman who heads a Mom and Dad group that gets together so the kids can play and the parents talk.  Huh, sounds good.

Then I was too nervous to actually go to anything.  I didn't really know these women, and since Winter set in, most of the play dates were in peoples homes and I felt uncomfortable going into someones home I hadn't met before.  So the Winter passed and Spring came.  So did Loki.

Holy cow did I need to get my (then) almost two year old out of the house.  I dove in and went to a play date. The whole 'speaking to others' thing is actually not so easy to do when there are 6 or more moms and more than 10 children with ages ranging from newborn to almost 5.  So I did little talking and a lots of watching.  I was completely outside of my comfort zone.

As an only child from a single parent, silence is a part of me.  I need silence, quite and calm.  I know, kids, they don't comprehend this, but I have a strict rule about screaming in my house.  It's not done.  It makes me jump, my heart race and make me feel like I'm having a panic attack.  My husband thinks its hilarious, but then he is super sensitive to scents, so when he tries to make fun of me, I just make him walk through the perfume section in the mall or a candle store.  Then he gets it.  But play dates, they contain a lot of screaming.  I take a lot of deep breaths, and remember that this is for Jeanne.

I went to another, then another.  Finally by the third or fourth, I could remember a couple of the Moms names, but then there were so many kids to remember too.  Soon after, I think I was able to have a short conversation with a Mom, and that was nice.  The whole talking thing was hard, not only due to the children, but because I don't really know how to 'small talk'.  Only child, moved a lot, not a ton of friends, not big on talking.  I felt/feel like I'm still learning (please be patient with me).

Now, I have two babes.  I've heard some of the Mom's comment about watching other children grow up in this group and how nice it was, how it was a second family to some.  More months go by.

Now, I check the meet-up site weekly in hopes to find more times we can get together with these Moms.  Jeanne loves them, and asks to see other Moms and kids every day.  More babies were born soon after Loki was born, and two more just recently.  We hold each others babies, we help someone else's kid up the stairs, and make sure they know not to hit.  But corrections, beyond the obvious hitting/spitting/pushing are left alone for "The Mom".

This group is made up of mostly Mom's, I've met one Dad, and everyone is different.  Everyone has different parenting philosophies, political views, and ways of living.  I think I have quite a few things in common with some of these Mom's, and absolutely nothing with others.  But that is O.K.

I've been thinking about this post for about a month now.  It was after the Thanksgiving party we had a a Mom's house.  At one point, I looked around and saw Jeanne giving the hostess a hug and Loki on the floor playing with two other little boy babies.  I could never have imagined this for myself or my children.

I am so happy to have found this group.  I know both my children enjoy your company as I do.  A special thank you to one Mama who took the time to ask me if I was OK, then had the patience to listen to the answer.

If you find my gruff or rude, give me time.  I'm working on it.

Thanks again ladies (and gents).